Changing Your Story: Habits, Growth, and Aligning with Your True Self

In this episode, I dive deep into the power of storytelling and the habits that shape our lives. From personal experiences like my daughter's transition to university and the emotional ups and downs of family life, to the transformative process of breaking free from old stories, we explore how to reclaim our narrative so you are not just creating more of the same.
 I discuss how our stories become habits and why it’s essential to consciously choose ones which serve us.

We’ll cover:

• The stories we tell ourselves and how they form habits
• How to acknowledge moments of stress and transition without falling into toxic positivity
• The importance of embracing growth, even during overwhelming times
• My journey through dropping the habit of scrolling and creating more mindful practices
• The exciting habit-changing challenge I’m hosting on Substack
• Tools and techniques to realign with your true self and live in balance

I also share how you can work with me to finish 2024 feeling empowered and aligned. Whether you’re seeking personal growth, spiritual alignment, or a little more ease in your daily habits, this episode offers a wealth of inspiration and practical tips to get you started.

Join me on Substack for the 21-day habit-changing challenge and let’s work together to create lasting, positive changes!

Want support or clarity? Let's connect! Book a free chat right here and let's see if we are a good fit for me to support you! 

Christina Fletcher is a Spiritual Alignment coach, energy worker, author, speaker and host of the podcast Showing Up Whole.
She specialises in practical spirituality and integrating inner work with outer living, so you can get self development off of the hobby shelf and integrated as a powerful fuel to your life.

Through mindset, spiritual connection, intuitive guidance, manifestation, and mindfulness techniques Christina helps her clients overcome overwhelm and shame to find a place of flow, ease, and deep heart-centered connection.
Christina has been a spiritual alignment coach, healer and spiritually aware parent coach for 7 years and trained in Therapeutic Touch 8 years ago. She is also a meditation teacher and speaker.
For more information please visit her website www.spirituallyawareliving.com

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Chapters

• 0:00 Creating Habits for Positive Change
• 9:14 Changing Habits for Energetic Alignment
• 23:30 Aligning Habits for Growth and Change

Transcript

Christina: 0:00

Hi and welcome back to Showing Up Whole the space where we discuss alignment in mind, body, heart and spirit in every aspect of your life. Today, let's talk a little bit about life and how we create habits and systems and routines to keep us where we are and the little steps that we can take in order to shift us to the lives we want to lead. Hi and welcome back. It's lovely to be back with you and as I look back over well the period of time since I last came in to speak, I actually wonder what it is that has been keeping me from regularly posting my podcast. I've had a number of you reach out to me and say, well, kind of where is it, what's happening? And I've had a number of different stories, everything from too much noise in my surrounding area to a lot of rain which there's been some rain to life being a little overwhelming, and I will say that life has been a lot lately.

Christina: 1:07

Next weekend, in about six days, we are driving our daughter up to London to set her up in her dorm where she'll be living for four years to go to her university program, and there's been a number of different tumultuous family experiences, from my daughter's first real breakup, through to family coming out, through to different transitional times, to even me exploring perimenopause. So I tell you that because I want you to know that there's always different things and different pieces coming into play that create the life that we lead. But today I want to talk a little bit about the stories we tell ourselves, the habits that form around those stories and how to show up whole. We actually have to face the stories and decide whether those are the ones we want to believe. It's interesting because over this whole year, and even maybe a little bit before I was just talking about this to my husband, I actually caught the words coming tumbling out of my mouth as I was saying you know, it's just been this time of transition and everything's thrown up in the air and there's all these balls in the air and I'm not exactly sure how they'll land, and there's just a time of change and when we work through transition, then of course everything is going to feel in flux and unclear. 100% true, 100% true, 100% true. Of course, in times of transition you're not going to know exactly what it looks like on the other side. 100% true, when you're in those times and you're in a time of transition. It's also a period of growth and you don't necessarily know how to maneuver within that. However, the stories of I'm feeling so overwhelmed, ooh, I'm in a time of transition and everything just seems a little too much.

Christina: 3:17

My daughter and I have talked a lot about this. As she was facing her breakup and dealing with things, we kind of we have the rundown, her and I, where we were talking and we're like, oh well, family came out, then our dog passed away, then family came out, she got into a relationship, she got her driving license, my daughter got in, other daughter got into university. There's been the rundown I could tell you. I could probably write the year in bullet points on a postcard. However, we've been telling those stories for a while, my daughter and I, and I've been reiterating even on this podcast.

Christina: 4:00

Now, what do we know about that? Stories create beliefs, beliefs create patterns, patterns create habits and habits create your life. So, when life is overwhelming, when things are stressful, when we talk about stressful, when we talk about how everything's so chaotic right now, in the long run, the more we tell the story, the more habitual it will be, and the more habitual it will be, the more we will attract the chaos, the stress, the overwhelm. So then you find yourself in that and go well, okay, what do we do with that? Because you can't just turn to toxic positivity and be feeling really stressed or overwhelmed and then start telling the story of everything's fine, everything's just flowing perfectly, it's all okay. Because then you are not actually listening to your heart calling, you're not actually tapping into yourself, you're not actually following your indicators and connecting to your source, you're not being conscious of your life, you're just putting a big happy face sticker on life and basically just being blind to what you're really living, just being blind to what you're really living. So, toxic positivity, or telling the story of where you are and creating a habit of where you are in order to then attract more of the same, well, that seems a little bombarding, doesn't it? That seems a little hopeless. So how do you move into hope?

Christina: 5:45

I believe that there's a story of growth. You are allowed to say I am currently experiencing a moment of stress. I am currently, today, experiencing a lot of things. Right now. There's the lighter story. There's the looking back over the year at all of the different points and saying, wow, a lot has disrupted over this year. There has been a lot of change. Note past tense. Today I'm sitting here doing a podcast. It's a Sunday afternoon, the sun is shining and I'm really, really excited about a challenge I'm doing on habit changing over on Substack, and I'm really excited about the people I'm working with and the different experiences I'm having. However, I am allowed to tell the story that over this year there has been a lot of tumultuous activity, that I've had a lot of heartache, that I've had a lot of growth in that heartache, that I've had a lot of growth in the different transformations that have occurred within my own family. I've learned a lot about parenting and how to parent older people. I've learned a lot about letting go of control and finding even more flow in my life. I've learned a lot about spiritual connection once someone has transitioned. I've learned a lot, and learning a lot is what comes through overwhelming times, and yet today I'm assimilating those changes and I'm charting forth a new path.

Christina: 7:39

How's that for a story? There's a sense of claiming yourself when you actually acknowledge your own personal growth through your life. You know, you look at the self-help world that we have, you look at the books and you look at the podcasts and you look at all of the tools and all of the practices and they make it so it can so often feel separate from yourself. It's like I can have the growth if I do the things over there, but that's not actually how this works. You are continually growing if you allow yourself to. You're continually growing if you don't fall for the story that you're not.

Christina: 8:23

Where attention goes, energy flows and within that, it means that you have to just ask yourself where are you putting your attention? Is your attention on the story of stress and overwhelm? Is your attention on the story of being broken or having loads of healing to do? Is your story on what's not working? Or can you flip the story a little bit and start practicing the story of? I have lots of healing to do and I'm doing it. I heal a little bit more every day. Life has been overwhelming, but I have a range of information now that I can use to work with in order to develop who I want to be.

Christina: 9:14

There's so many opportunities within our stories and I think we often lose track of the growth that's occurring all the time. So I just mentioned that I'm really excited about the challenge that I'm working on Every September. Well, actually I think I've missed like two years, but in past Septembers. Let me say that In past Septembers I have eagerly launched habit-changing challenges 21 days, 10 days, sometimes 30 days. This year I'm doing a 21-day because I started it late. So, but you know, to actually acknowledge a small habit, a small change, and to I always say, drop a habit, add a habit, because when you actually implement a small change, then it's the stone in the pond, the ripple effect just takes care of everything else. So it's an amazing thing to witness how your thoughts and your energy and your experience rally around your habits and when you remove one, suddenly you face this adjustment period, this adjustment period.

Christina: 10:42

So, for instance, my own personal challenge or habit to drop has been scrolling. I am no longer a scroller and I feel so free from it. But at the same time, it was a fascinating thing because the way I did it was I just took the Facebook and Instagram apps off my phone, which was such a simple step to do and it was such profound results. But still, as I sat there on the 31st of August, I hovered over and I went to go delete it and then I stopped and I looked at what it was saying about data and what I would lose. And then I went back and I went to go delete it. The hesitation was there I won't lie. And then I just did it. The hesitation was there, I won't lie. And then I just did it and it was like my whole existence just took a breath of relief. And then it was a question of adding a new habit, deepening my practices. Okay, well, I did that. I've done that before. Usually in these challenges I'll just add a deeper meditation and I'll add morning pages or a brain dump in the morning which I kind of go off and on on. Or I'll deepen my yoga practice and actually I've taken all three of those this year and increased my morning routine to about 45 minutes. And it felt wonderful, felt great. And then I witnessed as, all of a sudden, my brain started adjusting to the no scrolling.

Christina: 12:01

Do you feel like you are continually seeking, trying to embody, to heal, to fix and show up, but you always find yourself running on empty? Let's look at finding you more energetic alignment. There's a good chance that one of your energetic worlds either your mental, emotional, spiritual or physical is out of balance and with the right practice you'll have you back in flow in no time. I'm Christina Fletcher, an energy alignment coach, and I want you to know that self-development doesn't always have to be another trip down a rabbit hole. Rather, let's figure out where your flow is blocked and go from there. Check out my free quiz over at spirituallyawarelivingcom backslash quiz and find out where you do need more energetic alignment. Then we can explore what simple practice will give you that shift. None of us are in alignment all the time, so let's get you what you need to be back in flow wherever you need.

Christina: 13:12

And I watched as my brain was looking for that influx of information that suddenly wasn't there, or that influx of information that suddenly wasn't there, or that influx of memes that wasn't there, and I am not like that active of a scroller. It was literally just at certain periods of the time of the day I'd just sit and go through my phone, or it was a great distraction from actually doing things that moved me forward. I'll be honest, forward, I'll be honest. And so I'm telling you this because I want you to become aware of two things. First, the story that you're telling yourself. What stories do you tell yourself that might be weighing you down and can you actually make that or see that as a habit. Is it true today? Is it true in this moment, as you're listening to this podcast, the story that you're telling yourself, whether that's being how stressed you are, or how overwhelming life is, or how chaotic life is, or how people won't listen to you, or any of those stories?

Christina: 14:20

Stop this moment and ask yourself is that true in this moment, this very moment? Are you experiencing that? And if the answer is yes, then take a deep breath and ask yourself is there anything that you can do about that in this moment? And if the answer is yes, then do that. If the answer is no, that you are not experiencing that in this moment, then can you change the story? Can you change the story that it's been in the past and yet you're claiming your moment now? It's like a micro power moment, and in that micro power moment, you have the choice to tell a different story, and in the choice of telling a different story, you can choose to tell a different story. And in the choice of telling a different story, you can choose to tell a different story the next moment.

Christina: 15:24

Okay, now, what habit keeps you in that old story? What habit feels like the old version that was like five minutes ago. And do you want to keep that habit? And you might feel yourself go, no, I don't want to do that. You're right, that's incredible. Okay, and then you'll know that when this podcast ends, there's a very good chance that brains are brains, people, like neural pathways, are neural pathways and we all have the ability to decide, not to decide, and we kind of go, yeah, that's a good idea, okay, yeah, I'll think about that. I'll give that some consideration and maybe I'll look at that tomorrow, because brains love to postpone the inevitable, and maybe I'll look at that tomorrow Because brains love to postpone the inevitable.

Christina: 16:21

So, can you decide to decide to break a small habit Today, right now? Do you want to? And is there something that you can do that's going to change the stories that have been plaguing you for the last few months? You know, as spiritual beings, we come here to experience the smorgasbord of life. We come here to feel all the feels. We come here to try out new things and to get excited about things and to feel vibrant and free. And we come here to feel the constriction and the upset and the stress and the things that don't feel free, because then when we do feel free, we feel free. We don't know what the feelings of freedom and alignment feel like if we were like that all the time. So isn't it time to align? Isn't it time to actually say okay? So now I've gathered all of the information from what I don't want, so I know what I do want. Or I've experienced all the times of unalignment, so now I have new clarity on what alignment can feel like. And you can begin that alignment by changing one small habit.

Christina: 17:49

How exciting is that? How empowering is that? I mean really have my for my own personal self, has my the stories of overwhelm and transition and all of these different feels that I'm feeling. Am I holding myself back from actually fully growing from them? Because occasionally I'll scroll Facebook. Maybe, maybe and maybe I could actually transfer it to the story of what I was practicing earlier in the year where I'm saying this is amazing. My daughter is going to London where she has a dorm room which I can stay at and I can pop into London and hang with her. She is fulfilling her dreams of what she's been wanting to do since she was 13, and she might be scared and she might be having her own homeostasis patterns be thrown into her face and she might be wondering if she's making the decision now. But she's going to grow and expand and experience amazing things because of this choice and I am so excited for her and I'm excited for the whole family which is going to grow and expand because of her making this choice. That feels better. So what holds back that story? And, of course, feeling the feels, going through the transitions, going through the mothering unfurling. But I can process that without feeling sucked into the stories behind it.

Christina: 19:40

You know, you've heard, if you've listened to this podcast over the last little while. You've heard me talk about the four energetic worlds and you've heard me talk about how you know there's four aspects of yourself. For heaven's sake, the whole premise of this podcast is built on the four premises of yourself and the whole aspects of yourself and within that, the four aspects, the energetic worlds of yourself, they all have different needs. So the stories that you tell yourselves are based in your mental energetic world. That affects your third eye, so your vision of your life, and it affects your sacral chakra, so the flow of your life, the balance of your life, the creativity of your life. So by changing the story, you create more flow. And yet if that's scary and it feels unstable, then that's your physical, energetic world, right, because that's your nervous system, that's your sense of stability, it's your sense of well-being.

Christina: 20:41

You need to be able to align the energy of your physical, energetic world and tell yourself that you're safe to actually change your mind. It's actually okay to make change. How many topics am I covering in this podcast episode? But that's truly what this is about. So those two things alone. My heart, my emotional, energetic world is experiencing my daughter's growth. That's my mothering, loving, sometimes too attached flow, and that can be cleared and compassionately held space for. I don't need to have my brain tell stories that are going to hurt me more.

Christina: 21:24

See where I'm going with this, taking each part of yourself. You do what you need to do so you can create a habit of stability within yourself so you feel aligned in the physical world. Habits are actually a huge part of that, because when you change a habit, then your nervous system goes a little bit like hey, what are we doing? That's not how we roll. I need things always the same to feel safe. And then your mental alignment goes a little out of whack sometimes because it's like, well, that's a story that we're telling ourselves and I've gotten used to that story and that's what we've been practicing.

Christina: 22:12

So, by acknowledging the various parts of yourself and then winding it down to this one moment, this one moment you can align, bringing it all back to this now and asking yourself do you like your stories? Can you claim your power in the now? Do you want to change or are you super happy with how things are? And if you ended the year feeling exactly how you feel right now, it would be a successful 2024. Give that a thought If you were feeling exactly how you're feeling now and life was exactly how it is right now, at the end of the year will you feel like this is a satisfying, fulfilling year? And some of you might say, yes, 100%. Christina, I have aced this year. I am exactly the person that I want to be right now and I am celebrating that so bad. I am shouting from the rooftops because that is a phenomenal thing and that deserves celebration, because that's the idea.

Christina: 23:30

Next year, you'll have new insights of who you want to grow into next and the year after that, new insights into who you want to grow into next. Nothing is stagnant. Energy spirit cannot be stagnant, no matter how much our brains want those habits. Spirit cannot be stagnant, no matter how much our brains want those habits. But if you are standing here and you're going, yeah, this year's been kind of out of whack, then claim your moment right now. Literally, you turn that car. Okay, if you listen to the podcast and you're headed in a certain direction, don't you turn the car, but you turn it. Make sure that you claim your moment. Go within yourself and make the decision. Okay, a couple little tools that I'm offering you.

Christina: 24:17

Okay, you can come over to Substack, where I am offering my habit-changing challenge. How is that working? I am offering my habit changing challenge. How is that working? I am posting something there every day. It is a personal challenge for me on that as well, and I am going to be talking about habits. I'm going to be talking about how to change your habits. I'm going to be talking about the things that get in the way of your habits. I'm going to be talking about different miracle stories that have come from doing things like habit changing challenges. We are going to be talking about hacks and ways to overcome falling off the wagon and a whole bunch of fun stuff. Sometimes it'll be video, sometimes it'll be written.

Christina: 24:52

Substack is this amazing community and I am so excited to be working over there. I highly recommend coming on over. The authors that are sharing their work over there are phenomenal, and it does feel like the social media of old, where you're actually engaging with people and it doesn't there's no ads and it's just people. It's lovely. Anyway, you can come join me on that and I highly highly encourage you to, because I'm excited and I love to have people join me on the things I'm really excited about. There is also, if you are on Facebook, I do have access to my Messenger app and I do have access to my Facebook on my desktop, so I visit there once, maybe twice a day just to take care of my group and to take care of my page. So no scrolling. If you are on Facebook and you want to take part in this challenge, I am having a group chat where people can be held accountable. I'm not sharing all of the goodies over there, but it's still there.

Christina: 25:57

If that's how you want to coast, because you know I'm all about your journey, of making sure that I support you on your individual journey I cannot tell you how to walk your path. I can help you find your path. I can help you align to your path. I can help you align to yourself and connect to your wonderful resources, but I will not take responsibility for your journey, because what's the point of that? That's not. I'm walking my path. I can support you Walk your own. Now, in that conversation, I will also say this I am opening my calendar for two full-time clients, which is basically an introductory six-session package. We can meet weekly or bi-weekly Again what you need package. We can meet weekly or bi-weekly Again what you need and I will take you through releasing what is holding you back from the person you want to be by the end of the year, and we will work through that steadily, putting in new habits, releasing the beliefs that hold you back. There's energy healing, there are session notes, so I make sure you have all the information and you're not always wondering what we discussed. We will deep dive and I will hold space for you and then we will put all of the practices in place to make sure that you are realizing and living in alignment with yourself.

Christina: 27:19

Not exciting, because can you imagine? Imagine I always in September, I always imagine December, new Year's Eve, and how I feel at the end of the year, and I always ask myself will I feel excited by the growth I've achieved for this year, or will I feel extra tired? Will I kind of be like, oh, what was that year? That was just so overwhelming, oh my goodness. Or will I be like, wow, okay, that was a ride and I've become this because of that ride, and then I'll be able to set the tone and set the energy for 2025. The tone and set the energy for 2025. And you might as well like remember, put a huge red circle on your entire month of yeah, last week in the year, because I will be offering my New Year's workshop again this year, where we release the old and sharp forth the new. I will be doing that. I don't have the dates yet. I will have those in the next couple of weeks to make sure that I'm fully supporting you through that transition as well.

Christina: 28:28

Isn't this exciting? Because this is what life's about. Life is about living your life, gathering information, knowing what you don't want so you know what you do deciding who you want to become on the next step and aligning to that. And the thing is, is that when you're aligning to the person you know you want to become. On the other end of that, you're actually aligning to the person that you already are the whole version of you, who is expanded and grown with all the experience. Your spiritual self, your soul path is waiting. You don't want to let a little habit get in your way. So come on over Substack. Make sure you tell me that you're there.

Christina: 29:18

Comment on a post. Tell me what habit you're breaking, or if you're adding one, let me know. Hit me up at a post. Tell me what habit you're breaking, or if you're adding one, let me know. Hit me up at a DM. Or drop me a message at Christina at spirituallywhereilivingcom. Or if you like the sound of what all of this feels like and sounds like, and it feels like it resonates deep within you but you have no idea how to get started, or it just seems like a lonely path to do on your own. Then don't do it on your own. Grab my calendar, let's chat and let's get you to where you're meant to be. I'm surrounding you in love and light and let's do it. Happy September.